Pleasing Yourself

Forgive me Dad for not remembering this clearly. I believe Jim Croce sang, "I've learned my lesson well. You can't please everyone, you've got to, got to please yourself." In my life, I clearly remember being compared to others all of the time. Sadly, this form of motivation actually worked in the contrived reality of our lives. It lead to a lot of negative motivators like guilt and inadequacy that translate to anger/fight responses. We love fighters. Those hard workers that battle adversity and find a way to make it work. The fighters always win in the movies, but we aren't Rocky. We want to be the best us as defined by the current group we consent to be measured against. The book The Four Agreements has resonated with me for years. It speaks about our integrity and how things that make us feel bad are contrary to our integrity. I believe that we can adapt to any environment, when we are true to that integrity. The tough part is overcoming 40 years of training in the ugly business of being something we aren't and living with the backlash or our emotional responses. These foreign reactions prescribed by others lead to violations of our internal integrity, which result on counterproductive emotional responses. If anyone thinks this is a tricky way to talk about people I don't like or whine about my work problems, read the past posts. I don't write about individuals at work in my blog; I write about politicians and public figures sometimes. Now, back to the topic, internal integrity. What one says or does is about that person as an individual. Our thoughts and feelings are about us. I blog because my thoughts or feelings may resonate with others. If my advice helps by emboldening or calming another, then this blog has been therapeutic for more than just me. It is tremendously difficult to absorbe the concept that other people's behavior is about them and not you. When a customer tells you aren't worth anything because you are the wrong skin color and your job is to walk away, it takes a lot not to be hurt. Other's perspectives, experience, moods, ego and other personal motivators govern their action and reflect in their responses and assessments of you. If you choose to fully buy into their perspective, please remember caveat emptor, "let the buyer beware"!