Dingleberries of Wisdom

As I was driving home, I described my Dad as a turd ball after he told me a bad story about herding turtles. It reminded me of an enlightened thought I experienced regarding the many "facts" provided to us by the internet and news media. The even toned, midwest style voices of the local news team urge us to believe which governments are bad, which food is bad, and really just how to define bad. We are told that unemployment has turned the corner, but the BLS says it went up this month. We are told that we consume too many calories and more people die during Super Bowl than any other TV event. What value does this have in our daily lives? We would get the same benefit from going to the Monster Truck festival at the local arena. These dingleberries of wisdom sit in the cracks attempting to create discomfort and lead to action, however, they are built to persuade and rarely come with validation. It is annoying to watch clips of violence in the streets of another country and have a news story on people worried about their family there. The real story would be a family member that isn't worried. News media, please stop dropping your dingleberries on the rest of us. We have enough "sh&*" to deal with already.

Life on the Crassy Knoll

Thanks to Ghost Writer for keeping you busy and Dennis Miller for coining the phrase "crassy knoll". This is brought to you by my profound annoyance with people that think they can get away with blatant rudeness. First, let's explore the most recent Top 3 justifications for incivility at work. 1. I'm mad and the company owes me. 2. I'm the boss and how dare they talk to me. 3. I'm stressed out and these people are annoying. It seems that the business propensity for employee satisfaction surveys has lead employees to believe that their job is actually responsible for their satisaction. These folks are very demanding and won't wait their turn to holler at their managers for whatever they want. They walk in on meetings, they spew negativity at coworkers, and expect to be allowed to refrain from even the basic courtesies of speach. That is a crock of poo. No one has the right to be rude, regardless of their sense of entitlement or fear that employees might organize. In the end, the company must display the courage to expect a minimum level of courtesy and hold everyone accountable. On that note, let's get to managers with a God complex. These are destructive characters who cannot believe anyone would have the gaul to question them. They think it is okay to bandy fire on the crassy knoll with rude employees, then try to discipline them. What a shameful bunch of children. Authority gives one the comfort to be magnanimous and professional, not a big fat bully. Suck it up and realize that only professional interaction gives you the right to hold others accountable for being unprofessional. People fear authority, so give them a reason to trust. Quit making HR fix your messes and eventually fire you. Now, let's move on to stress reactions. Whatever happened to taking a walk and thinking things over before spouting off. People are just saying the first thing that comes to mind and justifying it by blaming others. Rudeness does not justify rudeness and bad behavior will come back to bite you. Reactive responses earn you a place of shame on the crassy knoll. Come on folks, the minimum societal entry requirement is common courtesy. I am personally tired of being condemned to life on the crassy knoll to deal with the bad behavior listed above. If you can't say anything polite, shut the hell up. You don't own the right to mess with others to satisfy your emotions.
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Shoot the Messenger

Another blog inspired by the Ghost Writer's Inbox while Marti gets carried away with her people process.

Why do we shoot the messenger? Or worse yet, leave the messenger to die by a jury of his or her peers when the message isn't acted upon? As HR leaders, I ask your thoughts on these questions. Here's our scenario.

A tough-minded HR Leader goes to his/her boss and says, "We are missing someone to fill role XYZ. It's critical to fill this role for 1-2-3-...-100 reasons. I cannot add a headcount to do it. I need you to take this up the food chain and solve this problem for me. As a boss, I think you're the roadblock removing sort, please help." Boss says, "I've got this."

Weeks got by, our protagonist (let's call her/him "P" for short) follows up with boss as the empty role goes unfilled. "Oh. I forgot." "Oh, I have to catch up with other boss-type to do this." P starts filling the gap as the issues related to no one in role XYZ pile-up at the door step. Silly P.

So finally the boss comes back! Yay! Or not. "Give us staffing options for how to do this." P scratches head and thinks, "I thought I did."

Meanwhile BIG C (Customer with capital C) gets mad because reason 54 for this role is not achieved. P is now getting drawn and quartered by unknown peers for "lack of responsiveness". Shot by her/his peers.

Why do we do this to good people? Marti's blog about "What they aren't telling you" has cogent points, but really HR Leaders, listen to what they do say, too. Might save a P from friendly fire.

Shoot the Messenger

Another blog inspired by the Ghost Writer's Inbox while Marti gets carried away with her people process.

Why do we shoot the messenger? Or worse yet, leave the messenger to die by a jury of his or her peers when the message isn't acted upon? As HR leaders, I ask your thoughts on these questions. Here's our scenario.

A tough-minded HR Leader goes to his/her boss and says, "We are missing someone to fill role XYZ. It's critical to fill this role for 1-2-3-...-100 reasons. I cannot add a headcount to do it. I need you to take this up the food chain and solve this problem for me. As a boss, I think you're the roadblock removing sort, please help." Boss says, "I've got this."

Weeks got by, our protagonist (let's call her/him "P" for shot) follows up as the empty role goes unfilled. "Oh. I forgot." "Oh, I have to catch up with other boss-type to do this." P starts filling the gap as the issues related to no one in role XYZ pile-up at the door step. Silly P.

So finally the boss comes back! Yay! Or not. "Give us staffing options for how to do this." P scratches head and thinks, "I thought I did."

Meanwhile BIG C (Customer with capital C) gets mad because reason 54 for this role is not achieved. P is now getting drawn and quartered by unknown peers for "lack of responsiveness". Shot by her/his peers.

Why do we do this to good people? Marti's blog about "What they aren't telling you" has cogent points, but really HR Leadersn listen to what they do say, too. Might save a P from friendly fire.

Ghost Writer's Mail Bag

So this one just in from the e-mail bag...

Ghost Writer, I authored a skills program for my employer. New management just took over and wanted it re-vamped. Now, everyone in the place (qualified or not) has put their two cents in. This last "revision" is a completely butchered form of what I originally wrote. Should I give the "new" format an honest try?

Answer:

You built something you think is fantastic, and now it's dying by consensus. In my world, we call your original work, "Breakthrough Change" and what's happening with the consensus changes is "Continuous Improvement". Some work environments can't handle radical change. While you may be able to do that personally, that group doesn't have that in them. (Give them some credit for life experience that didn't reward change.)

There are two options. A -- Let it go as is, at least you got some of the changes you wanted and live to morph it again in the future. You live to be the Continuous Improvement architect and show your "innovation" in the future (even though for you, it's like "that was so 10 years ago"). B -- You take your brilliant plan and go home. It's always an option. It's not going to change what they do, but you went out standing. There would be a third option -- show your boss the original brilliance and compare it to the "new" version. But he/she has already done that.

Sometimes option A is where we breakthrough thinkers have to compromise. We see the bigger picture -- the ah-ha moment was there for us. However, we saw it alone, so no one believes this is the bigger bang. Lesson for you -- seek consensus earlier, or don't expect support. I HATE THIS, BTW. Totally! I hate begging people to love my brilliant, beautiful baby, but it's the world of work.

The good news is -- at least some your brilliant ideas have hit the table and will see the light of day. It beats nothing.  Your pride may be hurt, but the resume' instantly looks better.

How I Survived Corporate Interrment Camp

Well, it was time once again to join my wide and varied colleagues to learn a new process to disseminate to the field. This means give up at least a day and a half to travel. Flying is truly the last frontier of wasted time for humanity. You must be more than on time, because someone else funded your flight; missing is not an option. The joys of the airports, rental car shuttles and hotel desk staff are merely an omen of things to come. In an effort to make sure you are impressed with the magnitude of your incarceration, the highest level executive available gives your entry speach. Ensuring that you know there are tremendous expectations for your team to deliver value with the unspoken "or else" hanging in the air like stale cigar smoke after a frat party. Now the direct line executive, adds more reminders about how you must behave and contribute, because the next two days of data just aren't enough to cram into your head. You must have fear that you will miss these additional deliverables to keep in mind. You begin to believe that your blackberry full of crazy questions, whiny complaints and innocuous data would be a welcome reprieve, but you are afraid the guards will put in solitary for touching it during your interrment. They hand out just enough materials to keep everyone asking questions and put you in front of a computer to learn what you will be force feeding the managers. This is where you find that some of the other inmates were not there because they were clever or computer literate. It's like being a major white-collar criminal hacker going through remedial math with a gang banger that got caught stealing liquor, which you now crave to release you from this class. When you are sent to your quarters after day one, you are assigned to drive the bus to the required meal location. Crap, not much liquor allowed to the driver, who's cornflakes did I accidentally pee on to get driver detail. Get to the room, call home, praying that you can be transported their by clicking your heels together. Realize this won't work, inspect the bed for bed bugs or other critters and attempt to sleep. Get up early the next day to ensure you are not late deliver the other detainees to class. Pray it will improve only to find that you are obviously on punishment from God. The people around you obviously do not understand that an agenda gives a preview of what is to come, so wait until it gets here. Quit wasting our yard time with questions they'll answer later! Manage to make it out of the day without shanking anyone in the lunch line to make yourself feel better and deliver the group to the next assigned meal. Stay out too late, get no sleep and spend the next day attempting to manage your active subconscious to prevent putting yourself into career solitary. Get the end of meeting pep talk reminding you that you will all contribute or end up in employment purgatory. Limp to the big team event dragging your fellow detainees, preparing to present a brave front to the executives at the dinner table. Leave hoping that you made the warden and staff happy, so you get yard time again next visit. Get even less sleep, fill up the bus, drag coworkers to the airport, pay $50 just to get home sooner and sleep on the plane. Oops, did you forget the 2 feet of snow on your company car at the economy lot and conference call after you land? Silly you, the world has continued without you during your interrment, so catch up!!! How did I survive? A few drinks, sodoku, and calls to the hubby.

Consider Becoming the Not-So-Undercover Boss

Yet another blog from the Ghost Writer leading HR from the outside while Marti's busy chasing the "people process" this week -- at least that was what she said the meeting was about in a frozen city elsewhere.

Right now I'm in a project revolutionizing a transactional process -- a very cool project on which I work with three dear colleagues.  Last week on the project, the team found we have not 1, not 2, but 3, yes 3, degree-certified professionals detaching paper A from paper B and attaching paper B to paper C.  Everyday.  Multiple times per day.  And why were they executing this brilliantly designed process?  So Employee Group A didn't have to use a computer system (on which the group already works) to look up information. 

I wish this blog had a screaming head icon... talk about things that drive me crazy.

In Marti's recent post, "What they aren't telling you," she highlighted some of sharing implications of what employees don't tell the boss.  I'm telling you, "Bosses!  Get in the detail of your employees work!  NOW!"  Not to micromanage them but to get ridiculous tasks like this out of their work day.  This piece of paper was a known issue but "no one" could resolve it.  Really?  This small group of folks kept talking, asking, and found that it could go away... in less than 4 hours.  Literally, 4 hours after the idea hit the table, the problem was gone.

The popular TV Show, "Undercover Boss", shows a boss learning appreciation for the details of his/her work teams by going undercover.  Really, HR Leaders, it doesn't have to be that complex.  Just get trained to do your employee's jobs.  Not that you want the work, but there is extreme value in knowing what's going on in the trenches.  Valuable improved morale.  Valuable time to be recaptured.  Valuable moment to engage them and show you care.

Go Not-So-Undercover Boss and figure out the junk they deal with everyday.  They'll thank you for it, and based on the response since this incident, the team will start to ask, "Do I really have to do _____?" before continuing to do crazy stuff that doesn't seem to make sense.

Belaboring A Point

Are you tired of sitting in meetings and training where a passionate executive or clueless coworker talks over "no-duh" types of information ad-infinitum? They are incapable of waiting until their item of interest comes up in the agenda. Rarely a Hero stands up and realigns the conversation or gets the team a break. Whether you are a facilitator or one of the annoying interrupters, wait for the freakin' item to hit the agenda. Write your question and ask it at the right time. Quit mucking up the snack breaks and making us late for dinner. Yes, the facilitator shares the blame for not standing up to them and at least using a "parking lot" to keep things moving. In the end, only you can break the cycle of bad meeting protocol. Stop filibustering the training and meetings that I am forced to attend. You may think I live for this job and want to hear your tangent and be late for a good meal. You are mistaken and my corporate loyalty will not stop me from mocking you at dinner for driving us all crazy.
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What They Aren't Telling You

This is not a conspiracy theory piece. The "they" is your employees and you know they aren't telling you things. A good question to start is whether or not you need to know. Are they productive? Do they put out quality work on time or early? Are the advocates of the company and enjoy their work? If these are all yes, I want your staff and I want to work at your company! The idea is that todays employee is looking for some latitude in their work circumstances. People will find a way to exert control over their lives, either through positive acttivities that enhance their value to the company or through subversion. Example: One manager is able to set their schedule to allow periodic outside training that they fund themselves. They have brought back some great ideas and shared with learning with their staff. Another manager has had a hard time getting approval to deviate from the schedule because the company wants to be "fair" to everyone. That manager slides out for training and appointments without sharing their learning unless it furthers them specifically. It is important for the boss to explore ways to allow employees room to grow in spite of the usually rigid corporate structure and expectations. The more rigid the structure; the more creative the subversion of it. They aren't telling you everything, but a flexible manager hears more and enjoys the positvie results.

I Don't Mind Chasing Cheese, It's Getting Everyone Else to Do It

HR is expected to be a position of influence. Guiding and directing others to achieve things that they weren't going after before. Think of Sisyphus, condemned to roll an immense boulder up hill constantly trying to gain traction and momentum to reach an end. Wow, if this had been presented to me when I started down this career path, I would probably be in marketing today. I am a classic ESTJ, a Supervisor by definition, not built with the usual sensitive and cooperative charactieristics found in your typical HR. Being built more like a Line Manager, I am suited to chasing my own cheese. I calculate out the current supply, estimate how much longer it will last for me, and begin searching for the next deposit with enough time to select the quantity and quality I will accept. Into this timeframe, is built extra time to push, pull and drag team members to their next supply, which is not the same as mine. For those that have not read the very famous "Who Moved My Cheese", get out of that fallout shelter and catch up with the rest of us. Now, back to getting people motivated to shift gears, change direction or just plain look up. Push is getting behind them and giving support including communication, resources and information to get going. This works best with those that have an idea they need to change something but haven't made a move. Pull is giving specific directions, deadlines, and performance improvement plans telling them that they are behind and need to catch up. These tools are intended to pull the manager forward onto a level playing field with the remainder of the team. Drag is for folks on progression. You have presented the idea that they need to make a change, you have pushed and pulled to the extent that they have a color coded road map with a concise written narative. It looks like this person won't get there without a GPS, which amounts to replacing them in the grand scheme of things. This is a last ditch effort to get them to look up, shifts gears or change direction. The majority of these folks don't make it. The premise of the program is to get everyone going the right direction and striving for the same things, in this analogy cheese. Give up the Sisyphus complex, get a clear understanding of how you operate, and use the tools in front of you to get the rest of the group going the right direction.