How I Survived Corporate Interrment Camp

Well, it was time once again to join my wide and varied colleagues to learn a new process to disseminate to the field. This means give up at least a day and a half to travel. Flying is truly the last frontier of wasted time for humanity. You must be more than on time, because someone else funded your flight; missing is not an option. The joys of the airports, rental car shuttles and hotel desk staff are merely an omen of things to come. In an effort to make sure you are impressed with the magnitude of your incarceration, the highest level executive available gives your entry speach. Ensuring that you know there are tremendous expectations for your team to deliver value with the unspoken "or else" hanging in the air like stale cigar smoke after a frat party. Now the direct line executive, adds more reminders about how you must behave and contribute, because the next two days of data just aren't enough to cram into your head. You must have fear that you will miss these additional deliverables to keep in mind. You begin to believe that your blackberry full of crazy questions, whiny complaints and innocuous data would be a welcome reprieve, but you are afraid the guards will put in solitary for touching it during your interrment. They hand out just enough materials to keep everyone asking questions and put you in front of a computer to learn what you will be force feeding the managers. This is where you find that some of the other inmates were not there because they were clever or computer literate. It's like being a major white-collar criminal hacker going through remedial math with a gang banger that got caught stealing liquor, which you now crave to release you from this class. When you are sent to your quarters after day one, you are assigned to drive the bus to the required meal location. Crap, not much liquor allowed to the driver, who's cornflakes did I accidentally pee on to get driver detail. Get to the room, call home, praying that you can be transported their by clicking your heels together. Realize this won't work, inspect the bed for bed bugs or other critters and attempt to sleep. Get up early the next day to ensure you are not late deliver the other detainees to class. Pray it will improve only to find that you are obviously on punishment from God. The people around you obviously do not understand that an agenda gives a preview of what is to come, so wait until it gets here. Quit wasting our yard time with questions they'll answer later! Manage to make it out of the day without shanking anyone in the lunch line to make yourself feel better and deliver the group to the next assigned meal. Stay out too late, get no sleep and spend the next day attempting to manage your active subconscious to prevent putting yourself into career solitary. Get the end of meeting pep talk reminding you that you will all contribute or end up in employment purgatory. Limp to the big team event dragging your fellow detainees, preparing to present a brave front to the executives at the dinner table. Leave hoping that you made the warden and staff happy, so you get yard time again next visit. Get even less sleep, fill up the bus, drag coworkers to the airport, pay $50 just to get home sooner and sleep on the plane. Oops, did you forget the 2 feet of snow on your company car at the economy lot and conference call after you land? Silly you, the world has continued without you during your interrment, so catch up!!! How did I survive? A few drinks, sodoku, and calls to the hubby.