Real Tolerance - irreverent and unapologetic cont'd

Welcome to the holiday season. Pick your holiday, in a given year it could include ramadan, hanukah, christmas,and other holiday activities accompanied by various forms of self-imposed deprivation or alcohol and gluttony. My holiday is Christmas. I was raised in the basic christian tradition, no denominations, no priests, just people meeting to study and share faith. We were raised to understand other belief systems, so we can be clear why we believe what we do. However, when I say "Merry Christmas" to someone that is not a christian, I get corrected or called insensitive. I don't berate them for saying Happy Hanukah or giving me a traditional greeting of any other faith. When did religious tolerance become enforced neutrality? Accepting differences means letting them exist instead of covering them up and making everything look the same. I guess we must have quit reading literature in school, so the lessons of 1984 are becoming predictive of expected behavior in a "polite society". Orwell put his spin on what he saw as the bland, whitewashing of human ability and individuality by prevailing societal norms. The erosion of our unique beings into lock step automatons signals the final stagnation of innovation and growth in the human condition. Seems dramatic for a rant on being able to say Merry Christmas, right. Well, while you are going through all of the phrases, jokes, expressions and writings that polite society have kindly eradicated on the behalf of those that are different, here's my take. Do not compromise on what you believe, but respect what others believe. The first time we underestimate the importance of a greeting or celebration to someone's belief system, we will regret the result. Whether we degrade our differences or become complacent to the machinations of others, we will regret the efforts to make everyone the same. Welcome to my Christmas Season, please blog back your thoughts on your season, whatever it may be.

Pleasing Yourself

Forgive me Dad for not remembering this clearly. I believe Jim Croce sang, "I've learned my lesson well. You can't please everyone, you've got to, got to please yourself." In my life, I clearly remember being compared to others all of the time. Sadly, this form of motivation actually worked in the contrived reality of our lives. It lead to a lot of negative motivators like guilt and inadequacy that translate to anger/fight responses. We love fighters. Those hard workers that battle adversity and find a way to make it work. The fighters always win in the movies, but we aren't Rocky. We want to be the best us as defined by the current group we consent to be measured against. The book The Four Agreements has resonated with me for years. It speaks about our integrity and how things that make us feel bad are contrary to our integrity. I believe that we can adapt to any environment, when we are true to that integrity. The tough part is overcoming 40 years of training in the ugly business of being something we aren't and living with the backlash or our emotional responses. These foreign reactions prescribed by others lead to violations of our internal integrity, which result on counterproductive emotional responses. If anyone thinks this is a tricky way to talk about people I don't like or whine about my work problems, read the past posts. I don't write about individuals at work in my blog; I write about politicians and public figures sometimes. Now, back to the topic, internal integrity. What one says or does is about that person as an individual. Our thoughts and feelings are about us. I blog because my thoughts or feelings may resonate with others. If my advice helps by emboldening or calming another, then this blog has been therapeutic for more than just me. It is tremendously difficult to absorbe the concept that other people's behavior is about them and not you. When a customer tells you aren't worth anything because you are the wrong skin color and your job is to walk away, it takes a lot not to be hurt. Other's perspectives, experience, moods, ego and other personal motivators govern their action and reflect in their responses and assessments of you. If you choose to fully buy into their perspective, please remember caveat emptor, "let the buyer beware"!

Generation Z

My husband and I were talking about a TV show. I made a comment on Generation Y. The Mom on the show was getting ready for a date and her daughter wanted his name to look him up. This is typical Y connectivity. He said, "It is better than Generation Z, they sleep through life and blame us for why it's so lame." In typical HR fashion, I told him that they are called Millenials. Funny thing is that I didn't argue with the description. What are your thoughts on the zzzzzzzz's?
Sent from my Verizon Wireless Phone

No Laughing Matter

This just arrived in the Ghost Writer's Inbox.

"GW, I just got the weirdest feedback at work.  A peer told me 'every' leader in the business talks about how great I am at my job in every area and the only negative thing they have to say about me is my laugh - how it's too loud and sometimes ill-timed.  Further, he intimated it's hurting my career.  Then he continued on to tell me how my new boss questions whether I should be on the team and how he stood up for me.  What do I do with this?  You know if I quit laughing at work, I'll get the feedback that I'm humorless and unhappy next year. Laughless in Las Plantos"

Wow, Laughless!  That's tough feedback.  Tough for the person who gave it to you, and tough for you to hear, I'm sure.  For once in my life, I'm speechless (and laughless).  I have no idea how to counsel you.  I agree with your assessment that stopping laughing altogether is an overcorrection and will lead to its own consequences.  However, this feedback clearly needs some type of action on your part. 

 

The outraged part of me says, "Go to HR and file a claim that there are people adverse to diversity in the workplace.  This is clearly an attack on you as a person that has nothing to do with real job performance."  Sadly, though, that has its own consequences, especially if you are a minority in your workplace as your charge will be investigated.  While legally they can't fire you for the claim, this could make your already uncomfortable (based on this feedback) workplace even more so, as well as make people overtly sensitive about what they say in front of you which can hurt informal networking critical for workplace success.

 

The saddened part of me, because I do love a good laugh, says, "Tone it down a notch.  Raise your self-awareness about this.  Take it as a study in workplace humor."  That sounds pathetic, but at least it makes it your choice rather than being a victim in this scenario.  However, many would tell you a laugh is an autonomic response of the body.  Controlling it is like attempting to control a sneeze.  You can do it, but it may be painful, artificial, and inconsistent.

 

The seriously outraged part of me says, "QUIT!  Screw them.  If you're so damn good at your job, as the peer asserted, they'll miss you when you're gone, and the exit interview data could lead to an interesting set of changes for the company."  We all know, though, that the grass is rarely greener on the other side.  The next company will find something to pick at about you.  That's the nature of human-filled workplaces.  If you like what you do and, in general, where you do it, then take this as the sign it's work and not play for you.

 

This was a tough piece of mail from the Inbox.  If any of the HR pros out there in blog-land have something, I'm sure Laughless would love to hear it.

"Suck"cession Planning

While this is not the current state of affairs in my world, this is a scenario from a past life.
In the world of People Management, there are times when you get the gift of a challenged team. You exert the effort to be strategic and plan out how you will address the so-called talent in your space. As the executive team works through the ranking, 9-box, quadrant, or other succession planning system, it dawns on all of you that marginally average defines your facility leaders. Now what? You aren't even sure you have someone to train new people, and you are sure you will need new people. Time to revisit the original assessments with a view toward identifying the managers that have enthusiasm and potential to be more and the energy sucking downers that influence their co workers to engage in poo-like performance. The positive and negative leaders in the business need to be clearly known, so you can leverage the positive and neutralize the rest by persuasion or documentation. It is tough to identify and worse to have your boss remind you that your talent pool isn't deep enough to clean your own feet. This won't be a quick fix , so buckle in and hold onto the wheel. You get to steer this shaky mess until the talent evens out.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Exhaustion

Just when I think I am clear on the definition of exhaustion, I discover that I am capable of yet more sleep deprivation and poor personal habits. It is truly stunning what I will do for things that aren't very satisfying at the end of the day. It is a very hard thing to realize that we have made the fatal error of staking even a portion of our self worth on our career. Business is a merciless master with no compassion or empathy. It is time to seek out some other activities that offset the emptiness from

Reality Bites

Thanks to whoever came up with that bit of wisdom. Today we were walking ArtPrize which is an awesome showing of community spirit here in Grand Rapids, MI put on by one of our favorite sons. As I read the explanations of the different pieces of art, it occurred to me that we spend a lot of time attaching meaning to what we do. At the point that man decided he was more than another animal, the search for existential meaning began. Music was more than a means to convey information, art more than a way to describe history or present plans. We wanted to present our soul and be loved for it. People bare parts of their inner feelings looking for a generally self absorbed population to give them adulation. It made me think. What would happen, if I told everyone that my reason for art is that it makes me happy. Why do I write this blog? I can. Why do I knit? Sense of accomplishment; lord knows my work won't give me that feeling. My personal pride in making a vintage sock monkey from scrap comes from proving that we can still conserve and make great stuff. In a wasteful world, I like proving people wrong. Also known as, self-satisfaction. So why did I call this reality bites? I love those crazy, sensitive artsy folks and in the end they are not likely to find the mass admiration they seek. That bites. Keep doing what you do because you love it.