Never Blog Drunk

Ostensibly, one really couldn't blog totally drunk, because you would be passed out somewhere. Part way to drunk, I use words like ostensibly. I'm enjoying an unusual Tuesday off work, due to the weekends that I have to work for the joy of retail. One day off isn't enough and I have become jealous for those in European countries where long days and longer weeks are illegal. My "day off" included doing laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, running errands, catching up Christmas cards and looking for stuff to put in Taz's shadow box. Oh, I forgot to tell you that one of my cats, who we had with us for 15 years, died on Sunday night. Oh yeah, last night while I was getting part way to drunk on the other half of tonight's bottle of wine, I printed about 250 pictures to the local drug store to give myself yet more to do today. The eventual result... pictures are on the table, shadow box still wrapped, can't find Taz's tags, and determined that getting up at 6am on your day off sucks! Why am I blogging under the influence, because I missed you guys. Watching my Siberian puppy play soccer with a tennis ball, doesn't compare with an impromptu poll on the impact of work on holiday cheer. How are you overcoming the demands of your job to find holiday cheer? Please understand, the first vote (mine) is for wine by the bottle. Merry Christmas!

Employee Impersonator

Ghost Writer takes up where Marti left off Pleasing Yourself and Tolerance.

 

Comedienne Joan Rivers is credited with saying, "Being a woman is like being a female impersonator."  I agree.  Every woman who vaguely complies with what's considered normal here in the Western World wakes up everyday, showers, dresses, does her hair and make-up to look like a woman -- not the person she is.  Ok, but that's not what this blog is about, but it's close.

Every day each person who shows up at the front door of a company impersonates an employee.  Some do better impersonations than others -- that person is called 'High Performer'.  Some are less good at the disguise.  People in that category are eventually called 'Low Hanging Fruit' or 'Dead Wood' or 'Under Performers' or any of the other hundred euphemisms for 'Redundant Headcount'.  Then there are others who don't seem to impersonate at all.  People in this group fall into three categories.  The person who seems not to be impersonating and delivers results is called 'Natural Talent'.  If the person delivers results but the company wishes impersonation was part of the repertoire is labeled 'Talented with Issues'.  If the person doesn't deliver and leaves the company wishing for impersonation, well, that goes back to the fruit and wood scenario.

Having been labeled 'Talented with Issues', I've seen what companies do to improve impersonation skills.  'Leadership Training' and 'Personal Coaching' are the best of what I call 'Freak Tweaking'.  I'm a freak.  I'm not like everyone else, but I need to learn to impersonate better, so off for a tweak (or two or ten) I went.  At the end of a long career, ultimately, I was just too big of freak for them.  So really?  Is there a point in sending 'Talented with Issues' out for rehab?  I guess that's a blog for another day.

What drives me crazy is that I work my buns off everyday to do the right thing -- for the business, the customers, and the people who serve them.  So sometimes, I'm 'High Performer', but when I'm in a hurry and just want to cut to the chase and get something done, I become "Talented with Issues".  And then I torture myself, because I know I can be better than that.  I was just trying to call it done, or some cases, call it like it is instead of tapdancing around it.

Sadly, what the business remembers out of 365 days of performance is the one time (or half a dozen times) my impersonator mask fell out of place.  And this becomes my development opportunity, or as a colleague trying to put together peer development for me said, "You're my project for the next year.  I want everyone to see you as I see you."  Is this my next round of tweaking?  And doesn't the tweaker have flaws of his own? 

So as I close this post with a quote from Debbie Wunsch.  "One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that's trying to make you like everyone else."  So do I accept the challenge?  Or just reinvest in my good employee impersonation kit?

 

Real Tolerance - irreverent and unapologetic cont'd

Welcome to the holiday season. Pick your holiday, in a given year it could include ramadan, hanukah, christmas,and other holiday activities accompanied by various forms of self-imposed deprivation or alcohol and gluttony. My holiday is Christmas. I was raised in the basic christian tradition, no denominations, no priests, just people meeting to study and share faith. We were raised to understand other belief systems, so we can be clear why we believe what we do. However, when I say "Merry Christmas" to someone that is not a christian, I get corrected or called insensitive. I don't berate them for saying Happy Hanukah or giving me a traditional greeting of any other faith. When did religious tolerance become enforced neutrality? Accepting differences means letting them exist instead of covering them up and making everything look the same. I guess we must have quit reading literature in school, so the lessons of 1984 are becoming predictive of expected behavior in a "polite society". Orwell put his spin on what he saw as the bland, whitewashing of human ability and individuality by prevailing societal norms. The erosion of our unique beings into lock step automatons signals the final stagnation of innovation and growth in the human condition. Seems dramatic for a rant on being able to say Merry Christmas, right. Well, while you are going through all of the phrases, jokes, expressions and writings that polite society have kindly eradicated on the behalf of those that are different, here's my take. Do not compromise on what you believe, but respect what others believe. The first time we underestimate the importance of a greeting or celebration to someone's belief system, we will regret the result. Whether we degrade our differences or become complacent to the machinations of others, we will regret the efforts to make everyone the same. Welcome to my Christmas Season, please blog back your thoughts on your season, whatever it may be.

Pleasing Yourself

Forgive me Dad for not remembering this clearly. I believe Jim Croce sang, "I've learned my lesson well. You can't please everyone, you've got to, got to please yourself." In my life, I clearly remember being compared to others all of the time. Sadly, this form of motivation actually worked in the contrived reality of our lives. It lead to a lot of negative motivators like guilt and inadequacy that translate to anger/fight responses. We love fighters. Those hard workers that battle adversity and find a way to make it work. The fighters always win in the movies, but we aren't Rocky. We want to be the best us as defined by the current group we consent to be measured against. The book The Four Agreements has resonated with me for years. It speaks about our integrity and how things that make us feel bad are contrary to our integrity. I believe that we can adapt to any environment, when we are true to that integrity. The tough part is overcoming 40 years of training in the ugly business of being something we aren't and living with the backlash or our emotional responses. These foreign reactions prescribed by others lead to violations of our internal integrity, which result on counterproductive emotional responses. If anyone thinks this is a tricky way to talk about people I don't like or whine about my work problems, read the past posts. I don't write about individuals at work in my blog; I write about politicians and public figures sometimes. Now, back to the topic, internal integrity. What one says or does is about that person as an individual. Our thoughts and feelings are about us. I blog because my thoughts or feelings may resonate with others. If my advice helps by emboldening or calming another, then this blog has been therapeutic for more than just me. It is tremendously difficult to absorbe the concept that other people's behavior is about them and not you. When a customer tells you aren't worth anything because you are the wrong skin color and your job is to walk away, it takes a lot not to be hurt. Other's perspectives, experience, moods, ego and other personal motivators govern their action and reflect in their responses and assessments of you. If you choose to fully buy into their perspective, please remember caveat emptor, "let the buyer beware"!

Generation Z

My husband and I were talking about a TV show. I made a comment on Generation Y. The Mom on the show was getting ready for a date and her daughter wanted his name to look him up. This is typical Y connectivity. He said, "It is better than Generation Z, they sleep through life and blame us for why it's so lame." In typical HR fashion, I told him that they are called Millenials. Funny thing is that I didn't argue with the description. What are your thoughts on the zzzzzzzz's?
Sent from my Verizon Wireless Phone

No Laughing Matter

This just arrived in the Ghost Writer's Inbox.

"GW, I just got the weirdest feedback at work.  A peer told me 'every' leader in the business talks about how great I am at my job in every area and the only negative thing they have to say about me is my laugh - how it's too loud and sometimes ill-timed.  Further, he intimated it's hurting my career.  Then he continued on to tell me how my new boss questions whether I should be on the team and how he stood up for me.  What do I do with this?  You know if I quit laughing at work, I'll get the feedback that I'm humorless and unhappy next year. Laughless in Las Plantos"

Wow, Laughless!  That's tough feedback.  Tough for the person who gave it to you, and tough for you to hear, I'm sure.  For once in my life, I'm speechless (and laughless).  I have no idea how to counsel you.  I agree with your assessment that stopping laughing altogether is an overcorrection and will lead to its own consequences.  However, this feedback clearly needs some type of action on your part. 

 

The outraged part of me says, "Go to HR and file a claim that there are people adverse to diversity in the workplace.  This is clearly an attack on you as a person that has nothing to do with real job performance."  Sadly, though, that has its own consequences, especially if you are a minority in your workplace as your charge will be investigated.  While legally they can't fire you for the claim, this could make your already uncomfortable (based on this feedback) workplace even more so, as well as make people overtly sensitive about what they say in front of you which can hurt informal networking critical for workplace success.

 

The saddened part of me, because I do love a good laugh, says, "Tone it down a notch.  Raise your self-awareness about this.  Take it as a study in workplace humor."  That sounds pathetic, but at least it makes it your choice rather than being a victim in this scenario.  However, many would tell you a laugh is an autonomic response of the body.  Controlling it is like attempting to control a sneeze.  You can do it, but it may be painful, artificial, and inconsistent.

 

The seriously outraged part of me says, "QUIT!  Screw them.  If you're so damn good at your job, as the peer asserted, they'll miss you when you're gone, and the exit interview data could lead to an interesting set of changes for the company."  We all know, though, that the grass is rarely greener on the other side.  The next company will find something to pick at about you.  That's the nature of human-filled workplaces.  If you like what you do and, in general, where you do it, then take this as the sign it's work and not play for you.

 

This was a tough piece of mail from the Inbox.  If any of the HR pros out there in blog-land have something, I'm sure Laughless would love to hear it.

"Suck"cession Planning

While this is not the current state of affairs in my world, this is a scenario from a past life.
In the world of People Management, there are times when you get the gift of a challenged team. You exert the effort to be strategic and plan out how you will address the so-called talent in your space. As the executive team works through the ranking, 9-box, quadrant, or other succession planning system, it dawns on all of you that marginally average defines your facility leaders. Now what? You aren't even sure you have someone to train new people, and you are sure you will need new people. Time to revisit the original assessments with a view toward identifying the managers that have enthusiasm and potential to be more and the energy sucking downers that influence their co workers to engage in poo-like performance. The positive and negative leaders in the business need to be clearly known, so you can leverage the positive and neutralize the rest by persuasion or documentation. It is tough to identify and worse to have your boss remind you that your talent pool isn't deep enough to clean your own feet. This won't be a quick fix , so buckle in and hold onto the wheel. You get to steer this shaky mess until the talent evens out.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Exhaustion

Just when I think I am clear on the definition of exhaustion, I discover that I am capable of yet more sleep deprivation and poor personal habits. It is truly stunning what I will do for things that aren't very satisfying at the end of the day. It is a very hard thing to realize that we have made the fatal error of staking even a portion of our self worth on our career. Business is a merciless master with no compassion or empathy. It is time to seek out some other activities that offset the emptiness from

Reality Bites

Thanks to whoever came up with that bit of wisdom. Today we were walking ArtPrize which is an awesome showing of community spirit here in Grand Rapids, MI put on by one of our favorite sons. As I read the explanations of the different pieces of art, it occurred to me that we spend a lot of time attaching meaning to what we do. At the point that man decided he was more than another animal, the search for existential meaning began. Music was more than a means to convey information, art more than a way to describe history or present plans. We wanted to present our soul and be loved for it. People bare parts of their inner feelings looking for a generally self absorbed population to give them adulation. It made me think. What would happen, if I told everyone that my reason for art is that it makes me happy. Why do I write this blog? I can. Why do I knit? Sense of accomplishment; lord knows my work won't give me that feeling. My personal pride in making a vintage sock monkey from scrap comes from proving that we can still conserve and make great stuff. In a wasteful world, I like proving people wrong. Also known as, self-satisfaction. So why did I call this reality bites? I love those crazy, sensitive artsy folks and in the end they are not likely to find the mass admiration they seek. That bites. Keep doing what you do because you love it.

Full of .... Ideas

Do you have tons of ideas? I have wondered what would happen if you carbonated chocolate milk or how much I can make teaching cats to type. Maybe I could join Congress or become our Executive in Chief, they seem to be graded on their ideas, since we can't come up with enough results to grade. By the way, how is it that they think it is okay to pitch an under developed concept to an impressionable crowd without reducing our highest offices to the same level as Billy Mays (May he rest in peace). That's BS! As much as we pay them, they should produce a well thought out and functional process that is ready for the market and able to compete. Let's face it, most of these folks have never had to write a business plan just to get funded. Maybe we need a special class for all of Congress and the Executive branch on writing business plans and proposals designed to earn funding. If your local loan officer won't approve it, don't get up on TV and hock it like the Sham Wow. I guess it has been so long since the American people have seen a 'snake oil' salesmen or a carnival sideshow where they tie antlers on a bunny that we have forgotten what hucksters look like. I am imploring our leaders to put the heart of an entrepreneur into creating a work of art they would stake their personal fortune on when they legislate. In the same breath I am begging the citizenry to scrutinize that same legislation like a scrupulous and diligent loan officer protecting the assets and success of the American enterprise.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Why Attacking Capitalism Didn't Work

We often hear that from the world's view the USA is a bunch of lazy, rich capitalists that only love their stuff. They have some points based on our personal debt choices and our far from conservative economic behaviors. However, 9-11-01 should have taught a few lessons to everyone else. We may be disfunctional, but we are a family. Burning down what they felt were symbols of our "destructive" capitalism only pissed us off and we focused on the true symbols of our culture. Freedom, Liberty, and Humanity. They gave us a new piece of clear ground to create another monument to these values that day. What the French realized when they sent us the Neoclassical beauty named LIberty Enlightening the World is a lesson our enemies would be wise to learn. Our Statue of Liberty was dedicated on October 28, 1886 and stands as the real symbol of us. We've had Civil War, severe economic depression, international war, peace and prosperity. The 50 children of this great republic wrestle, rangle and talk smack, but we won't let anyone bully our brothers and sisters. Capitalism is simply an expression of the significance of our Liberty. Certainly, if the USA was about Capitalism, we would have rebuilt the twin towers in nostalgic detail in tribute to our greatness. Instead, we made a stand on that rubble and cleared the way for a reminder that they missed the boat on what makes us who we are. The fine citizens of the USA will never understand why anyone would purposely murder thousands of non-combatants to make a point. By virtue of those choices, they have only caused the eyes of the eagle to focus on them. I am a patriot, because I believe in defending the country envisioned in 1776 and nobly defended for 245 years. Like the Bible, our Constitution and Bill of Rights are just as applicable today as the day they were written. We must continue to defend them from enemies both foreign and domestic.

It's Definitely NOT Free - A Labor Day Tribute

Hi folks, Ghost Writer has had plenty of time to work up some angst around circulating through the "general" public. In turn, I am celebrating Labor Day with my tribute to those of us that pay taxes. If you work but get all of your tax money back at the end of the year, thank you for contributing to FICA and taking a shot at being a productive member of society. If you work and get very little of your tax money back ever, this is our time to comisserate. I was watching a series of commercials about "Free" services including immunizations, health care, food, and housing. The Accountant on my couch clearly indicated that they aren't free. Now I know the participants don't pay, but all us do. Nothing is ever truly free, but I posit that something can be considered free when it is given freely out of a sense of charity with no expectation of a return. When we pay taxes we are compelled to do so. We also expect a return for the compulsory investment, whether it is a standing army to protect us or government involvement in managing foreign relationships. In the end, our money was not given freely and it feels very wrong to see dollars used for a growing portion of the population that does not contribute,as opposed to promoting the common defense and financial security of this union. "We the people" implies that all of us are putting something into the program. We are a union of states, so this great republic can use it's collective bargaining power for the benefit of the constituent parts. Instead our financial contributions, taken from the fruits of our labor, find their way to the support of governments that cannot clearly be linked to a trade or security advantage equal to the combined power of the 50 members of this great experiment. As I celebrate Labor Day and think of the loyal civil servants we support in the form of our standing army and foreign services teams, I applaud the sacrifice of people working hard, in dangerouse places, far from home for United States. Any distate I have for how our money is used belongs on the shoulders of our legislators. The representatives of the people responsible of the "executive" functions of the business of the U.S.A. Again, I ask that we start treating these folks like the executives of any free enterprise business in the country that has championed free enterprise more than any other. If the executives are botching the work, get a chief to align the team and then play corporate politics in the board room. We have done ourselves a tremendous disservice by playing corporate politics in the media with our CEO leading the charge to drive his agenda. I'm not saying that these guys leave us out of the loop; I'm saying don't air the mechanics of our decisions to our trade partners. The difference lies in ensuring the we know there is a disagreement with simple language like "we are not coming to an agreement" instead of saying that the opposition will cause the country to be imminently bankrupt, in spite of our tax paying labor, and the Chief Executive is powerless because of the mean legislators from the opposing party. Our leader identified himself as impotent to the whims of our executives and painted the executives as immovable blocks to the prosperity we want without any understanding if it is the agenda we want. Today, Detroit, one of the hardest hit and slowest growing bastions of labor lost, received an earful of promises that ring hollow. In a city with declining population therefore declining government support (not free)and a meager but growing list of improvements driven by the businesses that told the government to "pound sand" instead of taking stimulus the last thing we need is promises to become what we were. As a country of progress built on the hard work of our people, the way we were is not the way ahead. Our land still holds huge resources, among them a great and varied people, so let's get aligned with the moving target of industry and service and go back to kicking everyone else's butt. This is a celebration of what all of us working people from the entry level production worker to the company President contribute as members of the labor force. Go labor!

When Did We Get So Rude?

Ghost Writer goes off on the loss of common courtesy in the average airline speech.

So as a fixer of things, I fly often, sometimes twelve planes a week, and usually on a regional aircraft. I don't talk over the flight attendant during the announcements I've heard hundreds of times. Inevitably, in spite of the flight attendants plea for attention, people are yapping. The louder the announcement. The louder the people.
I want to shout, "SHUT-UP! You're being rude. Didn't your mother teach you better? (And my mom's favorite) Were you raised in a barn?" When did we lose this common courtesy? And is it a symptom of the erosion of civility throughout our society?
So please, be quiet during the announcements, folks. Make some eye contact with that potentially bored flight attendant, or count the seats to the exit behind you - it might save your life. And really, you're snuggled up like a sardine next to that person for the next 60-180 minutes. Whatever you were talking about before the announcements will get said. You've got plenty of time.
My next installment - When Did We Get So Stupid? The airline speech as a sign of an illiterate America rising.

Polite Dismissals

Ghost Writer continues to haunt Marti's blog as she returns tan and happy to a busy, big box retail world.

 

Yet again, another underperforming colleague receives the polite dismissal under the cloak of job elimination.  Having been down that road, I understand why companies do it.  It precludes the liability associated with dismissal for cause.  However, it also allows the organization, and specifically the person's boss(es) off on accountable management.  It's one thing if the role really no longer has a place in the organization.  It's quite another if everyone knew the person wasn't performing, and the company just handed over a whopping severance package to avoid being accountable with the person.

Or is it?

If everyone knows the person was underperforming, then everyone would know the job elimination is a sham.  Right? 

Maybe for me, it's a sense of justice and process.  If I want to terminate an employee, I have to do my homework, document the performance, document my actions, and execute the process.  If a middle manager or executive needs terminated, the job is just eliminated.  At least until the company changes its mind again about that role, or a year expires, whichever can be defended should the former employee find out the job has been reinstated.

What are we teaching our HR Leaders when we hand out polite dismissals to people?  That certain people aren't worth due process?  That certain people aren't doing a bad-enough job to be fired for cause, but aren't good enough to stay?  Would we potentially be better off sending a clear signal? 

I think my HR Manager friends would tell me the law doesn't allow us to communicate the truth.  Privacy.  Dignity.  Liability.  All those ity-bitty things.  So instead, we're left with a workforce who rumors a truth and shakes their head at polite dismissals.

Appearances

Ghost Writer discusses compliance while the only compliance Marti's doing is alignment with a beach chair.

 

My dear friend, N, told me the story of she and her high school aged son discussing his homework.  Her son said, "Mom, you can only make it look like I'm doing my homework.  You can't make me do my homework." N replied, "You're right, but as long as you live in this house, we're going to keep up appearances, if nothing else."

 

Every Fixer-of--Broken-Things and HR Manager knows my friend's feeling of resigned acceptance of the fact we can only make people look like they are complying withe the process.  As Marti would say, "We can put air freshener cones around it and put it on a pretty plate, but a turd is still a turd."  Appearance of a process matters.  When I document a new process, many people say how great it is and thank me for the hard work.  However, consistent execution of the process when no one is looking would be the greatest thanks I could get.

 

Today, on one front, I got just that.  An employee who is busy and could easily skip corners without anyone knowing until it's way too late was faithful to the process.  This saved me a lot of points on an important process review and gave the process' appearance real substance. 

 

Thank an HR Manager or Fixer-of-Broken-Things today -- do the process as designed, faithfully.  And for bonus points, suggest a substantive improvement based on your informed use.  We love that stuff!

ICEy Labor Situation

Ghost Writer remains your standard bearer while Marti continues her tequila tourist adventures. In an attempt to provide you the Marti experience, I read her favorite paper and found a thought-provoking article.

In the Wall Street Journal is an article about ICE. For those of you not familiar with ICE, it is the Immigration and Customs Enforcement component of Homeland Security, not the status of Marti's drink. Under the Obama Administration, ICE audits employer records for evidence of illegal laborers in the work force. If illegals are found, ICE fines the company as opposed to the Bush Administration's practice of employer fines and deportation for the laborer.

The article says, "But it has become increasingly clear that the policy is pushing undocumented workers deeper underground, delivering them to the hands of unscrupulous employers, depressing wages and depriving federal, state and local coffers of taxes, according to unions, companies and immigrant advocates." Is this another Easter Bunny government program? We're being "nice" and not deporting, but we're condoning a problem, creating a problem, and failing to address the root cause.

This article left me feeling conflicted. One, there is the very real human pain of those doing real work and earning real money until an audit removes them from those jobs and leaves them looking even further on the periphery for work. However, those people are here illegally. They are breaking the law and should be sent back to wherever they came from without a second thought. Yet, I do a lot of work in Mexico. I know I wouldn't want to live there, and to make a gross understatement, it's a bad place. Why else would people fight so hard to be here and stay here, even illegally?

As the old adage goes, "A problem well-stated is half solved." (Or as Marti is saying right now, "My only problem is not enough sun screen.") The problem here is an impoverished, corrupt nation bordering a very rich nation with jobs available. Yes, in spite of the dire words of the evening news, there are jobs for these people. They are working, or they wouldn't be illegally employed. Right?

So how do we fix a poor nation next to a rich nation? Can't really pick up and move to a better neighborhood can we? The U.S. provides hundreds of millions in aid annually to Mexico, and that's not helping. We spend hundreds of millions to ineffectively patrol the border. Neither nation-building Mexico into prosperity nor isolationism are the answers.

So what is? A means to employ them, have them pay taxes and join the rest of us in this great nation. Let's just accept that we live in a great nation and share it.

Easter Bunnies and Health Care -- Yes, really

Ghost Writer picks up a homework assignment from Marti while she whoops it up living the good life.  Yep, I'm stuck at the helm while Marti goes and celebrates her 20th anniversary.  Indeed, she is taking time off of her obsessive compulsive relationship with her job to enjoy her marriage.  Here's hoping her hubby can stand all that attention.

Before Marti took off, she and I were discussing how the proposed health care plan is like a chocolate Easter Bunny.  You know the kind -- shiny, foil-wrapped yumminess.  The big decision after seeing it is whether to eat the ears first or the tail first.  This is ostensibly how we should feel about the government's proposed changes to health care.  Yay!  We have a shiny new health care plan.  Yay!  Everyone will have health care.  Yay!  No more lifetime limits.  Yay!  No more denied coverage of pre-existing conditions.  Where do we sign up?  We rip open the foil, chomp down on the ears and call ourselves happy.

Alas, though, like every child learned after the first time he or she got tricked, don't get too excited. The shiny, foil-wrapped bunny needs to be picked up and felt, because appearances may not be the full story.  Is the bunny solid or hollow?  It's still chocolate, but is it really good to the core?  As the health care proposal is picked up and weighed, we find it's missing a few things at the center.  Like the ongoing use of Emergency Rooms as primary care providers for the booming illegal immigrant population in the U.S.  Like the cost distribution.  Money is a zero sum game last I checked and you don't get more of something without paying for it.  Michael Cannon wrote, "Government programs do not contain health care costs; they shift, increase, and hide them. Government shifts the cost of my consumption to you. Costs rise overall, as they always do in a commons: nobody spends other people's money as wisely as they spend their own."  Amen, Michael!  Name one program the government has created or problem it has "solved" that it hasn't made worse or eventually corrupted through application of politics.  And just because the government says we're already paying for all of these issues doesn't mean I believe them.  The government has been price fixing the health care system for years in the form of "reasonable and customary" reimbursements for services provided to those covered by Medicare and Medicaid.  That's clearly helped contained cost.

Sure enough.  We've figured out we've got a hollow bunny.  It's still shiny.  It's still chocolate.  Which is probably better than nothing in the Easter basket except unrefrigerated hard-boiled eggs (eew!).  So we unwrap it and we take a bite.  Oh NO!  ICK!  SPIT!  GROSS!  We find out it's last year's hollow bunny, and it's stale and the cocoa butter is separated, and we're pretty sure something is alive in that hollow core.  What's creeping around in it?  The first piece of scum we find is the Middle Man.  Middle Man creeps around in the heart of things, does nothing, and spoils everything.  Does anyone else remember the days when mom wrote a check to the doctor at the time of service for your ear infection?  How much of this situation is the hedge-fund, junk bond system called health insurance?  These are the people who for the last several decades have said they are negotiating health care costs lower for us, but yet, they keep getting higher.  How does that work?  [Insurance is a racket designed by lawyers, executed by lawyers, and foisted on a paranoid population, but that's a rant for another day.]  Ask the Amish.  They negotiate cash payment rates far lower than what any of us, including the government pay.  Why?  Cash now beats fighting insurance companies and the government later for money.  Cash flow is king, even in the world of health care.

The second piece of creeping crud we find under the foil and gnarly chocolate we thought was something good is Middle Man's best friend No Personal Accountability.  The company that generously helps me acquire health insurance (at a nice premium out of my paycheck and their profits, too) put into action a "play or pay" system this year.  If I don't take so many steps to maintain a healthy life, I pay more for my health insurance.  Period.  My participation is evaluated quarterly.  Play that quarter or pay next quarter in higher premiums out of my paycheck.  The government is never going to get this radical.  No Personal Accountability is at the heart of most government programs.  Heck!  Our government is still arguing about whether welfare recipients should be tested for illegal drugs. Really!?  Wow.

For those shouting at your computer, "We've got to do something!  We cannot continue this way."  I agree.  But let's start they way any fixer-of-broken-things would -- using root cause analysis.  This plan doesn't address what's broke.  It just addresses the symptoms far greater issues.

So, welcome to your Health Care Easter Bunny.  Foil-wrapped?  Yes.  Shiny?  Yes.  New?  Maybe.  Better?  No.  Yes, really.

Sustainability

Ghost Writer touches on the periphery of Marti's much-loathed carbon footprint topic discussing sustainability in an HR Leader and Manager context.

So if you haven't been sleeping under a rock, you've heard seemingly endless stream of messages regarding sustainability - the broad term meaning, "How are we going to do this forever without harming the environment?"
However, I think something very big, massive, huge, and overwhelmingly large (dare I say ginormous?) missing from the dialog is sustainability of humans in the workforce. This is the next big thing on two fronts for HR Managers and Leaders.
On front one, this is about the question, "How do we keep enough people employed to buy whatever we're selling?" To protect people, and make more money by avoiding safety issues, many companies automate jobs, and as a fixer of broken stuff, I have no problem with this. We assume people will find work in less strenuous environs or learn to program these robots, but in reality, that means less lucrative service jobs. However, as the self-serve checkout line has shown, even those jobs aren't beyond automation.
On front two, there's the dwindling supply of hard-working knowledge laborers running these ships. No administrative assistants. Slow computers eating valuable minutes. Inefficient, yet necessary for our primitive human selves, travel for face-to-face "show me" follow-up and meetings. Increasingly large responsibilities assigned to an ever-decreasing pool of people with the assumption we will "work smarter" (hate that saying, BTW) or "prioritize" those tasks. Prioritize: secret code word for mindful neglect, strategic procrastination, or in a best case, benign neglect of stuff that should get done (but ain't gonna get done, because I like sleep, but Marti doesn't need it cuz she lives on coffee).
These are the next big questions for HR Management and Leadership. How do we leave people in the process so there is real money circulating to buy things? Secondly, for those in the few jobs left, how do we make those jobs humane? Because, I can tell you, Marti's 16-18 hour days are inhumane, even though she survives them. My Tums habit isn't altogether sustainable either.
Then again, I pull a page from economics class. Will supply and demand take care of this for us? Is our current, unsustainable human resources malaise just a function of shifts in supply and demand that haven't settled into a new normal?

If the President were a Fortune 500 CEO...

I have worked for Fortune 150, Fortune 45 and, yes, Fortune 1. I've even worked for the second larget privatee company in the United States. There is one thing for certain, executives are expected to be the Chief Advocate of their company. It is their responsibility to put the best face forward for the sake of the company's reputation and profitability. The President is the head of the executive branch of our government. This makes him the CEO of the single greatest country in the world, the United States of America. However, the CEO of our company, in which we are compelled to be unpaid shareholders, publicly embarrasses us. He tells the world that we will stop paying our employees, we will default on our debts and our executives can't get along with each other keeping us from making sound decisions. In the real world where a business generates money instead of taking it, that type of behavior would cost a Chief Executive his job. If you doubt we are a business, take a minute to ponder the fact that this Democratic Republic has a credit rating with all of the major agencies. Countries invest in us and expect a positive results. When the face of this business denigrates it and shows our bare behind to the world, the board of directors and shareholders should demand their resignation. It is strange indeed that it is harder to remove an elected official than the head of a major company. When did this particular executive forget that we, well maybe not me(I didn't pick this guy), put him there and he owes us better. Our leader should represent our business with the fierce loyalty and care of an executive receiving millions of dollars in options for his trouble. The pension for a President sounds like a fair trade for that, so now we deserve to be properly represented. Our leader needs to get his mud in a pile and lead us with pride.

Survival

Seth Godin has a book "Only the Paranoid Survive". One of many in his arsenal of experience and advice. I lack the focus of a paranoid, so I needed a different definition of survival. As I was embarking on the typical 5am journey to get to a location and squeeze one more thing out of my day, the emotional toll of long days kicked into overdrive. It is easy to get personally invested in outcomes and I consider parts of my work to be a battlefield. Once I conquer the hill, having to conquer it again because of others really turns a day the wrong direction. Whether a candidate flakes out and doesn't show for their first day or scheduling puts a process back a week, the goal does not shift. It simply is not met on time. As I enjoyed one of the lovely Interstates I could easily call home, it is evident that I am very near obsessive in goal orientation. At this time, my goal is to survive. However, my definition of survival is lofty. It is not enough to get it done. It must be on time or early and before everyone else whenever possible. That is survival. Getting things done before everyone else and early every time is success. This is the battle for the basics. Getting things done only makes way for more things that may be more strategic and helpful to the growth of the team. This still does not improve the sleeping and head clearning time.
Unfortunately for my husband, the same standards don't apply at home. Survival is simpler here. Don't piss off the spouse, don't think too much, and help with the housework. Right now, we both suffer from sleep deprivation due to the introduction of a Siberian puppy into our routine. He screams like an angry seagull when he wants to go out at 5am on any given day. He barks at the cats, chews on the Labrador and generally makes a "hot mess" out of the house. If you don't trap him in a section of the house, he leaves a hot mess as a gift. This too shall pass. I'm not entirely certain the phrenetic pace at work will, though. It is amazing that enough parents instilled some strong sense of loyalty, personal responsibility, sense of pride, or requirement to save face that people continue to push through this crazy work world we imposed on ourselves. Yes, I could do less. Yes, I could change my expectations. However, my goals is survival and my definition of survival is lofty. This is not changing any time soon, so you will have to get used to it.

Biggest Bully on the Block

Ghost Writer considers the question, "When do customers, of any form, go from being demanding to the Biggest Bully on the Block?"

    So I have a customer, a lot of them actually internally and externally, who expect a great deal from me.  That's fine.  That's the world of work, but lately there's a Bully on my playground.  A capital "B" Bully in bold form.  This Bully wants my lunch, my allowance, my homework, and demands exclusive rights to my future lunches, allowances, AND my science fair experiments.  Further, the bully wants to stop by my house, check out how I live today, decide how I should really live and take everything that doesn't fit the Bully's assessment of my needs.  WOW!  Now that's my definition of the Biggest Bully on the Block.

    Unfortunately, this Bully controls Business, big capital "B" business.  Failure to allow this Bully access to my homework, lunch, allowance, science fair project and my home will have far reaching consequences for many people.  However, when does a Bully just get called a Bully?  The hardworking geeks need to rise up and say, "ENOUGH!"  I spent plenty of years subject to playground bullying, and I learned early and often, "Don't go near them.  They don't become less of a bully because you befriend them."

    In the world of business, though, it seems as though we choose to keep doing business with the Bully out of fear of life without the Bully.  These are the moments when I want to say, "Are we credible business people if we let the Bully run our lives?  I'd rather be unemployed than cave to this Bully's demands."  I have been informed that is a personal choice, not a business choice based on the needs of many. 

    So now I have to formulate a strategy based on the Business' choice to allow the Bully to ransack my house.  How do I watch as the Bully decides what's right and wrong in my house?  Maybe that's my problem.  This isn't MY house.  It's the business.  This is just business.  This is just business.  Will I believe it if I say it enough?

Just the Bottomline

Ghost Writer brings you her Friday rant a day early... Just that angry.
When bosses or process customers ask a technical question requiring a detailed answer, I assume they want a good answer. Silly me! Because then the requester implicitly or explicitly says, "Skip the details and cut to the bottomline."
As a fixer-of-broken-stuff, I don't mind explaining what's broken or how to design something so it doesn't break. Really. This is good stuff. However, when it gets reduced to a bullet point, what's the point? No one other than me learned anything, and in many cases all I (re)learned was that some people are idiots and adults are little kids in big bodies.
I don't want to be the only one who knows what I know. Shocking for an "expert" to say, I know, but I want my company to be well-equipped to take up where I left off when I run away with my lottery check hot in my pocket. And this week, when I did some elegant, amazing work, I'd like someone to say, "Can you teach _____ that skill?"
HR Leaders and Managers -- watch the bottomline. It's killing and demotivating your broken-stuff-fixers.

Betrayal and expectation

Thinking about failure and betrayal, I started pondering why some feel betrayed by the failure of another. We are a nation built on rugged individualism. What does it matter, if that guy falls down? We'll all just keep goin, right? Nope, somewhere it was implied, if not stated, that this person would deliver for us. Whether we made any effort or not, they let us down. We are betrayed and it is someone else's fault. It can't be possible that we chose to feel betrayed. Maybe we should have expected that we would have to take care of it, if someone else did not. We could choose to move forward and take action instead. Failure by itself is not betrayal, malicious failure is a topic for another time.
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Failure and Betrayal

We try to teach people to embrace failure. Help them believe that failure is the greatest learning experience and we get better with our failures. However, the reaction of others to our failure can make it all but impossible to tolerate. As social creatures, the human animal seeks approval from their pack and strives to add to the pack. The social promise of positive and mutually beneficial relationships drives members to join. The worst thing we can do is fail another member. That failure is treated as betrayal. No human creature bears betrayal well and the perpetrator feels the sting of their pain. It is impossible to fail without feeling the responses of betrayal in others, whether it is our manager,a coworker, or a colleague. I am a natural care-giver. It is devastating to fail and know that someone is disappointed. The tough part is not knowing how to avoid showing feelings of betrayal to others. How many of us have the control to keep our disappointment in full check to help someone else learn from failure without the pain. Of is it the point of failure to feel badly, so we strive harder to avoid it?

Unrelenting Battle of Balance

Ghost Writer takes up where Marti left off -- a late night, a laptop, and some thoughts on work and life.

 

    Sitting in a wedding mass one weekend a number of years ago, I heard a priest delivering a most interesting homily in front of this bright and amazing couple declaring their love for each other.  In his message were words I will never forget.  "See all these people?  Your friends?  They don't want you to be married.  Even your family doesn't want you to be married, and rest assured, your job does not want you to be married.  More than anything your job does not want you to be married."  The priest went on to say how each facet of one's life competes for attention with another part, and as this young couple starts their life together, it was time to figure out how to balance all of these parts.

    While easily said, it is much harder to do it practice.  Balance is precarious.  Just ask the Flying Wendellas.  They are the best at it anyone ever has been, and yes, people still die.  And ask marriage counselors.  They are the best at teaching it anyone has ever seen, and yes, marriages still die.

    Balance is a zero sum game.  Just like time.  Just like money. You've only got so much to go around, so when I'm in hotels and on the road, I work like a freakshow.  This week a prime example -- 60+ hours going into midnight Thursday night.  However, no one was around to know it.  I was cool with it.  This weekend I have shimmied the "must do" down to 3 hours tomorrow morning.  After that, I balance back. 

    Balance by its nature requires a plan.  The Wendellas have poles and special shoes and tons of training.  Who among us has had balance training?  Real balance training -- not just Franklin-Covey plan the big rocks training?  Very few if any of us.  Probably most of us need a dedicated personal coach to figure out our roadblocks to balance.  All I know is, in Marti's post from earlier this month, it's choices, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt my job does not want me to have friends, a family, or a partner.  Period.  It is the chaos that will expand like a giant black hole and take over my life left to its own devices.  It is a seductive partner, sort of like that crazy chic from "Fatal Attraction" switching on the light on and off while she plots to boil the bunny,  It rewards us, or shows a lure of a potential reward for paying attention to her.  It punishes us, or threatens punishment at every corner, if we even vaguely think of ignoring her.

    This is the unrelenting battle of balance we have before us.  No one is going to protect a person from his/her desires to achieve, but that person.  No one is going to make the choices required to create balance but that person.  It stinks, though.  It's like being overweight, which I am, and knowing I need to eat better and eat less and yet I don't.  I know I need balance, and yet at times I'm lousy at it.

    Some would say any failure at any thing in life stems from fear.  So what can I say?  I wake up every day the protagonist in the unrelenting battle of balance with my primary nemises -- The Fatal Attraction with my job.

When Did You Surrender?

That is, if you have surrendered. I'm laying here in a hotel, wondering when I gave in to the tide of work. Have you ever sent conference call notices from a bubble bath? Guess what I did today? I'm anticipating finding my laptop next to me in bed where my husband should be tomorrow morning. Last week, work was like being dragged behind a horse in a spaghetti western. Today, I reached gestahlt. I couldn't function any more. I gave up, got fast food and went for the bubble bath. Have you been there? What did you do to get out without causing any collateral damage?
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Choices

"When you have to choose, any way you look at it, you lose." Simon and Garfunkel have and interesting point. How we feel about things is a matter of choice. We have to decide to lose our anger or our pride, to feel good about changes that are inconvenient and time consuming. We all want some control over our world as I've discussed in the past. We often choose bucking change as that control, as opposed to choosing control of our perpective and positive response. The importance of managing perspective with ourselves and others comes into focus in the concepts of Fisher and Ury. In "Getting to Yes", the 3rd answer is a method of perspective management eliciting a feeling of achievement from both sides in any type of negotiation. What is driving me crazy is how difficult it seems to let go of the resistance form of control and embrace the response management form. Every choice means abandoning something for something else. Argue the fine points, but that is the bottom line. The trick for me is being okay with the trade off.
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The Village Has Too Mahy Idiots, and I'm One of Them

Ghost Writer contemplates her role as an idiot in her village while I'm sure Marti is busy being much smarter and self-aware.

    So if the village has too many idiots, I'm beginning to think I'm one of them. Today, while ostensibly on vacation, I did my monthly report.  Why?  Well, I'm the only one of my peers with no staff, no secretary and no back-up plan.  Clearly, I'm an idiot for not standing up for myself -- either to have a plan or beg my boss for some resourcing.  [And I type that thinking, "Ya, right.  That ain't gonna happen."]
    This isn't the first free-time I've donated back to the company, and I'm sure it's not the last of my donations.  As Marti mentioned in "Carrots Aren't Tasty Unless They're Gold", it's all about reward systems, but really, and I have to continually remind myself of this quote from a former manager, "The difference between good and great is 3%.  Make your choices." 
    Yes, I'm on the management incentive program that is worth far more than 3%, but that's awarded based on company performance far, far away from my daily controls, so I look at it more as a random act of kindness from the company rather than a reward for hard work.  Like so many high performers, I am intrinsically motivated by this internal desire to do the best, be the best, achieve the most, that the paycheck is really secondary, and MIP is at best tertiary. 
    In my world, this results in me selling out my personal life in the name of my job.  Which when the chips are down in the world of work, it leaves me feeling like the Queen of the Village Idiots, because yes, I am still a woman and still give them more than they pay for every day.  My world is one round of backlash after another -- the life of a crash dieter in the world of work.  Give too much to work.  Vow to be different.  Cut back at work.  Start feeling like I'm getting behind.  Dive back in to the jello mold.  Or worse yet, see a tasty project and get sucked back in like a Weight Watcher's participant to a pint of Ben and Jerry's after weigh-in day.
    So really, if you have any advice for the Village Idiot, I'm open to it, because clearly I'm an idiot addict without the resources to help herself.

Which Barby Are You?

Sorry guys, the best you can do with this is decide which one you is most like your ex. The spelling isn't wrong. I don't own the name to the doll. However, I have met quite a few of these "living dolls". There is the standard Professional Barby. Kaspar suit and 9-West accessories. There is the Prozac Barby wearing a smart scarf with her tailored uniform suit. There is also the high end version, insurance girl Barby wearing the optional Donna Karan tailored look with Coach accessories. My favorite is the Alpha Barby. Neat, sharp and fierce. Usually too literal for wardrobe nuances. Which one are you or do you know more?
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Better the Pigs in the Sty You Know

Ghost Writer once again steals the blog while Marti has her back turned playing with the new puppy.

    Welcome to modern political correctness, right?  That place where people are equal regardless of gender, race, or another list of things.  WRONG!
    As a Ghost Writer, I try to author about life on the HR Leader side.  This blog, though, is advice to HR Managers.  Several weeks ago, I got a call from a recruiter friend who had a great job 20 minutes from my house doing what I do best -- fix stuff.  A little bit of a pay adjustment downward but with a commute that didn't involve planes most of the time, it was worth exploring.  So I did just that. 
    Interview Round 1:  Four separate one-hour rotations through peers and the manager of the role to be filled.  [On a tangential rant, why do companies do this?  Torture?  I get to spend four hours repeating myself, and even I get sick of me after four hours.]  In each round I heard about how painfully slow the company is to change, how tenuous the relationship with the union is, and how "my area is fine, fix these other areas."  Pretty typical over-disclosure and change avoidance.  I can deal with that.  At the end of each round, I ask the closer question, "Do you have any concerns regarding my candidacy?"  Trying of course to get one last chance to make the case for me as a rocking candidate.  In Round 3 I hear, "You're a woman."  And promptly get told why my gender makes my job harder.  Really?  I've been a woman in a man's world for 20 years, and I need to hear this from a man like I need a tattoo declaring my gender on my forehead. 
    Yep, sure enough, Ghost Writer is a chic - a boob sporting, ovary toting, child-bearing capable woman.  And in 2011, I'm being told this is a concern regarding my ability to do a job?  WOW.  Wow, wow, wow.  I was offended back in 1995 when an HR Manager told me I was getting a low-ball offer because, "You do want to live with your husband and stay in the area.  Don't you?"  In 2011, I about fell out of my chair.
    However, I want the job.  Great opportunity.  More time at home.  So I call the recruiter, he talks me off the ledge.  The HR Manager apologizes for the cretin and reaffirms the company's commitment to diversity, and I sign-up for Round 2.
    Round 2:  Interview with the manager for the role again, his boss, and another peer.  The peer is internationally based, and I know things are going to get dicey when he starts the interview with, "I'm based in XYZ Country.  US rules do not apply to me."  We then proceed to discuss how I was raised, race, politics, and environmental policy for forty-five minutes.  Yes, indeed.  The "do not ever discuss these in an interview" topics were what this guy wanted to discuss.   Once again, rather than telling the idiot to pound sand, I play along.  I really want this job.  So the interview winds around to when I get to ask questions, and I say, "So how can I help you at your site in XYZ Country?"  "You can't.  You are a woman."  Really?  Shocking news to me!  I swore I peed standing up before I put on a bra, nylons and a skirt this morning.
    So yes, I told the recruiter I was done with this company.  As I said in the very long call recapping this situation, I said, "Better the pigs in the sty you know."
    Because, really, I know there are pigs in my current sty.  They rate women walking into restaurants while I'm at group dinners.  They show me topless pictures of girls from their vacations.  Really?  Yes, really.  They tell me about their affairs and attempt to hide their affairs with my employees.  And occasionally, yes, they treat me like their mommy or secretary -- rescue me and please do it even though you're on vacation because my vacation is more important.  I get it. 
    For 20 years, I've played along to get along and enjoyed a great deal of success.  I've worked to earn their respect, and in return, I get treated like one of them with all the good and the bad that comes along with that status.  But at least these pigs didn't drag my gender into the interview.  They just can't help themselves when it comes to daily interactions.
    So HR Managers, what's in this story for you other than some train-wreck watching?  One, make sure a person really knows how to interview before turning him/her loose with an otherwise unsuspecting candidate.  Two, make sure each person in a rotation understands the company's marketing message to the candidate.  What message and image should candidates leave with about the role and the company?  Three, make sure the candidates tell you honestly about the interview process.
    Remember, even in a tough economy, good candidates in a tough job who want a life quality improving change can choose to stay right where she is -- with the pigs in the sty she knows.
  

Interviewing, working and Pigs

Yes, I spoke to a friend yesterday and her world is very busy with home improvements and a travel job. She talked about a roadblock in her plans to get closer to home and travel less. Arguably, her job is great considering she deals with angry internal and external customers on a daily basis. It is amazing what a trusting and flexible boss can do for intelligient employees. The major draw back is travel, so when a job in her area of expertise came up, she took a try at it. During the dreaded all day, say the same thing to 20 people interview, she asked if there were any questions and one manager said, that being a woman is the drawback. After much smoothing over by HR, she went for the second interview. During the interview, an international manager decided to tell her US rules don't matter and delved into personal including how he trained his wife to clean house. He said women don't know anything. She tropped on, even though she should have demanded to see the head of this group and HR then confront the guy. She turned down the job and yet another guy had the guts to say that she must not really want to be closer to home that badly. In the end, she said that it is better to deal with the pigs in the sty that you know. It turns out that in her current work, like so many women, she is a go to person for getting things done. Some of the guys around her have not compunction about calling her, expecting her to make things work for them and not even asking if she is available first. Not the best way to treat a bright and talented director. She fights back in that difficult to fight professional way taught by many an executive coach. However, here we are again, back on the crassy knoll. If you are periodically a perpetrater of this stuff, cut it out. If you are a recipient, push back respectfully. Don't ever expect that you need to take crap from anyone whether it is during a job interview or your day to day work. However, please take actual action. Whining to your coworkers won't get it done.

This Village has too many Idiots

My husband and I were sitting in the car tonight at 9pm, after I stopped at work to get some more things done with him as my entertainment. I left a small arsenal of paper airplanes and a cootie catcher on the RVP's desk as an hommage to the packets we use to get manager candidates approved for hire. Michael Savage was on the radio and he was talking about congress and the antics of Mr. Weiner that were recently in the news. I started to reflect on what our government is supposedly doing for us. They are teaching us that the way to take care of business is to increase our debt. Recent history in the housing market is q clear indicator to the contrary, how soon we forget. They are teaching us that we should try lying, if we get caught being naughty, in case we can get away with it. They are teaching us to blame those that went before us for bad things, so we can get them to do the bad things we want. I began to wonder what happens when the village has too many idiots and now I know. They become normal and we become complacent.

Carrots aren't Tasty Unless They are Gold

It is sometimes hard to understand why we have field managers, then impose the personal opinions of the executives(based on experience of course) on the people that are on the ground and know the teams. Challenging sites with specific needs suffer due to the inflexible mindsets of upper management. I get it. They had tough experiences that shaped their mental framework. They have bosses to please, too. However, it seems there is a general fear of allowing others' judgement to prevail and make a decision that is within budget and sound for a location. Even though a newer team is not the creator of the bad results previously, there is no opportunity to get it corrected. There is not a manager reading this blog that would not want experienced internals for their location. Those managers would understand that it is tough to get anyone, especially internals into a challenging site. When you are short of internal talent, because of time and limited support in getting rid of poor talent, it may take even more to get folks that live farther away to go to that tricky job. In today's world, they want to go, but they also want some scratch to take it. The job they have is already good enough for now, so what is the incentive to go elsewhere. They are willing to wait for a better opportunity later. Guess what executives, people are balancing their careers and ambitions these days. Quit expecting the field managers to find rabid workaholics that will take a pay cut, drive an extra hour every day and smile about it to get promoted. They are looking for some loyalty and investment from their employers to go with their loyalty and investment. They already get a regular diet of garden variety carrots. It is silly to expect that they will do special tricks unless they get a special carrot.

The Friday(?) Rant - Carbon Footprint

As a carbon based life form, I truly resent someone telling me to reduce my carbon footprint. It is difficult enough to manage one's weight without pressure to make our feet smaller, too. In all honesty, coming up with a new way to say, "Give a hoot, don't pollute", is not what I find so annoying. It is the metrics driven psychos that have to measure my footprint, which any lady will tell you is rude. We just don't discuss shoe size, except with our closest friends, for the purpose of sharing beautiful shoes. I use the compact flourescents, because I am cheap and prefer to save more money. When it comes to being earth friendly, a lot of it is common sense. Grow a garden, because it is fun and provides tasty food. In the meantime, the tree huggers will appreciate that gasoline was not used to bring you veggies. Recycle stuff, because you liked the Owl and you give a hoot. The environmentalists will applaud your interest in the future. Truthfully, I do that stuff, but I am not giving up air conditioning or installing solar panels to change what I emit. The world should be more worried about what I emit after eating at a Mexican restaurant. My work involves driving for a living, so you can pound sand, if you think I'll give up fossil fuels. Even God knows we are finite in this world and will return from whence we came. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust, so I'll take your carbon footprint and raise you one entire carbon based lifeform. I am planning on holding onto it for about 30 more years, but it is all yours to recycle after that!

Reward Accounting 101

Guess what? We are not paid for efforts. The return on well spent efforts is desired results. We can get results from efforts that aren't desirable and aren't a return on our investment. When we get the proper results return on our efforts investment, then there is a reward. In business there is no ribbon for showing up and "trying" to do something. The reward comes from delivering the result, because without the desired result there are no funds for a reward. Businesses are not our Federal Government, they cannot continue to exist and propagate by giving away money they do not have. The employee populace, as seen in many messy contract battles and lawsuits, will not continue to give things up to fund bad results. They aren't forced to pay that penalty and will rebel. The final result is that the employer closes and the jobs are gone. If you haven't figured this out yet, here you go. Quit expecting your boss to pay you more or give you anything unless you deliver a result that enhances the business. Effort does not always equal result, and for the sake of this formula, effort therefore does not always equal reward.
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The Bi-Polar Excusorizer

Ghost Writer means no offense to those with a real mental illness and takes aim at the Excusorizor swinging from both sides of the plate.

So now that Marti has taught us all about Excusorizing, I'm seeing it everywhere. Mostly the random excusories of "we've always done it that way" or "the night crews can't be expected to". However today, I met an all-new brand of Excusorizor -- the Bipolar Excusorizor.

Excusorizor: one who uses excusories, usually to extreme.

Bipolar Excusorizor: an Excusorizor who uses both flattering and belittling or demeaning excusories in the same conversation

A typical conversation with a Bipolar Excusorizor (BPE) sounds like this. The BPE hold a conference call that starts out like this. "Hi! I know you are SO much better at this than I am, so thought you should do this. I just think this is you area, and I can't come close to doing it as good as you can."

I say, "But this isn't my job. It's your job, and I have plenty to do without doing your job, so thanks for the flattery. But you aren't talking me into it."

Conference call ends.

BPE calls back and privately says, "I would figure someone at your level of the organization would take the lead on this. You aren't meeting our expectations here. I had people call me unsolicited after the conference call to say how badly you behaved. How dare you ask me who was going to pay for this trial in front of a supplier?"

Sigh... So I reiterate this isn't my job. The call ends with the BPE thinking I'm the reason all is wrong, and I feel like an ass, because I thought he might not BPE me. (This one is a serial BPE -- does it often to certain people, especially fools like me who long to help.)

So check your world out for new forms of Excusorizors. They're hiding everywhere."

When Your Excuseories Clash

An employee was caught sleeping on the job, not showing up on time and was given documentation. During the meeting, it was the bosses fault, HR's fault, and most importantly, the person is just going through the motions. In the absence of personal responsibility, try to keep your excuseories simple. Pick a target for those pointed fingers and build a good case. It doesn't help to spin in circles pointing at everything. It is like spraying the field with bullets, you'll hit something,but there is no guarantee it is edible and not a friend of yours. If you want to prevent clashing excuseories, be responsible today for the choices you make and take responsiblity tomorrow for any choices that don't work.

Puppy Friday

Yay!  Marti's playing with her new puppy so I, your loyal Ghost Writer, gets to take over the Friday rant.
 
What should I rant about?  Oh yes!  SLOW people.  Really?  You want to lose that customer?  Move slower!  You want to keep entering that data by hand rather than following up on that IT work order?  Move slower!  And hey!  While you're busy moving slower, fail to follow-up on those commitments your peers made to you to make things better.  That ALWAYS helps.
 
This isn't about geography.  It's about culture.  In an increasingly fast-paced world, moving slower doesn't help. It lands people in the category of, "You're not part of the solution, so you're part of the problem."

So what's an HR Leader to do with this ilk? This week, I offerred to stop a project, since at the pace the person was moving, it clearly wasn't a priority. I also offerred to have their boss find them some help - pretty embarrassing since the guy has scores of minions.
So I end the week without the slowest cats in the herd back on the lead lap (to utterly mix a metaphor).
Have a great weekend, and I really believe the only reason to go slow is due to a new puppy.

The Play-by-Play Man vs. Color Commentary

Ghost Writer comments on "Excuseorizing" while Marti goes to invent a new word for us to use inappropriately in the future.
    I'm the luckiest HR Leader alive.  I get to write this Blog with the most colorful color commentator in the blog-o-sphere, Ms. Marti Nelson.  When she sets me up with material like "Excuseorizing", it's like having a pitcher throw one straight across the plate to my Louisville Slugger.  I can't help but swing and try to hit it.
    So as an HR Leader, what do you do with an Excuseorizer?  As always, your Ghost Writer has the play-by-play.
1.  Nip it!  Let's face it, delivering excuseorizing-inspiring feedback isn't the most pleasant day at the office.  As an HR Leader providing feedback, you need this person to hear what you're saying, or you wouldn't put yourself through the pain of delivering said feedback. So when you hear an excuseorizing discourse from the recipient of the feedback, nip it in the bud.  Call it, gently, for what it is.  For example, "I understand you don't think this is (insert recap of excuseorization here).  However, this is what I see, and if this (real issue) isn't addressed, you will continue to receive feedback on this as you are not (enter recap of issue here and highlight real of potential consequences).  The person will continue to excuseorize, but at least you nipped it and provided fair warning.
2.  Call it!  Hand them the EAP pamphlet, the ethics number, the angry employee number and say, "Call it.  I believe this is fair and substantive feedback, but this is your recourse.  Use it."  I love telling someone to turn me in to an authority.  It's like saying, "So go tell mom!  I'm right!"  Marti will now hate me for saying this as HR Leaders who do this create something she has to investigate, but alas!  At least she (or someone of HR Management form) will know that real feedback got given.  Reach out proactively to said HR Manager and give him/her the heads-up you have an excuseorizer potentially headed for his/her desk.
3.  Provide perspective.  At the end of the conversation, make sure the excuseorizer understands that giving feedback is your job.  What to do with it is the excuseorizer's job.  That person has three options:  Accept the feedback in whole and do something about it, accept part of it and do something about the part he/she views is in his/her control, or reject it all and accept the consequences of that.  But make it clear, what to do with the feedback is his/her job.
4.  Provide another perspective.  Make sure the excuseorizer knows what "better" looks like.  If you don't, then the change you get might not be the change you were hoping for by giving the feedback.
    Hope this helps make Excuseorizer part of the HR lexicon as well as creates a simple play for you to call in your local game.
    Play ball!

Excuseorizing

Yes, it is the newest fashion in management accountability. If your boss comes to you and tells you that you didn't get something done properly, don't just let feedback sit there loooking plain and lonely. Take the time to excuseorize it. You too can be prone to attribution and provide all of the ego protecting reasons why your feedback is just not pretty enough to be taken seriously. Your feedback might look nice in a "nobody else has to do this" necklace with a matching pair of "this isn't fair" earrings. You might need to add some, "I feel harassed" bracelets and an attractive "they have it out to get me" ring. Now if your feedback happens to be an annual review, don't worrying, you can get excuseories proportional to the enormity of this annual event. We recommend the "they don't have the right to judge me" bow tie with matching "it's not my fault" vest. Your feedback will look smashing wrapped in the "I wasn't trained enough" tux. If you just aren't sure how to really make your feedback stand out, call around to your coworkers to tell them about your feedback. They can give you all of the best ways to excuseorize it. After all, they didn't have to control the measures at their location. Your feedback needs to dress up in the finest "management is out to get me" shoes with the matching "they are trying to force me out" handbag. Really good feedback, like your little black dress, deserves the "I have a lawyer" shawl and maybe a "I called the government" tiara. Make sure your feedback gets the public attention it so desperately deserves and excuseorize it today!

Fair is a Time in August

Yes, and every County has one. My Mother said this often and even offered to show us where it would happen. Any time we would grouse about things that did not go our way, she would remind us that life is not fair. Fairness is a contrivance of humanity. Nature is inherently unfair. The animal born with a deformity, who cannot run as fast or jump as high gets eaten by predators. Please do not give me the line that humanity has evolved past this point. I don't need socialist platitudes spoiling this rant. Try being in HR and going a day without someone wanting you to wave a magic wand of self satisfying fairness for them. There is a total lack of understanding that true fairness is clinical and impersonal. In Orwell's 1984, he makes an effort to point out that we must all become our lowest common denominator to make way for the brutal consistency required to be fair. Interestingly, rugged individualism is a daily staple of American behavior, until some entitlement driven "individual" doesn't get their way. We have abandoned the notion that we each bear the responsibility to respond to our environment and be self aware. When things aren't going our way, the appropriate response would be self reflection and planned action. Philosophers and belief systems focus on these behaviors as the means to peace and happiness. This rant ends with the simple reminder that it isn't all about you or me. It's about what we do to figure it out without expecting everyone to be exactly the same. Remember fair is an event. Life is messy and ongoing.
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Blogger Beware

Blogging for me is an outlet for my opinions that aren't fit for primetime. It is great that a handful of folks tune in to see what will come next. As a member of the TV generation, random episodes with twists and turns fit our upbringing. Hey, at least we us complete sentences. If U R from that next gen, run a phonetic translator and let's get on with the show. My blogger comrades need to be aware that they should not believe their ability to post an opinion makes them more than someone willing to expose their ideas to public review. I came across this loose quote from Hubert Humphrey that sums it up, "The right to be heard does not automatically come with the right to be taken seriously.". For those of us that would like to be taken less seriously in every avenue except our professional expertise, keep putting it out there!
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Effective versus Efficient - Ghost Writer's 4 a.m. Perspective

A few weeks ago Marti wrote a 4 a.m. Blog from a hotel bed where she couldn't sleep. In her sleepless state, Marti questioned why we all come to work at all. Why not find something that felt less like work? Or maybe, more appropriately, less like sword-falling, useless rock pushing (ala Sisyphus), and general waste of intellect?

Well, here is her Ghost Writer pal joining her on the 4 a.m. and second night with bad sleep rant with a new slant. Why don't we consider effectiveness AND efficiency when we make decisions regarding employees and work structures?

My case in point. Here I lie in a third world city's hotel bed. The better of the two I've had in this country, but I can't sleep. Too hot. But why am I in this bed at all? Efficient use of company funds. It was "cheaper" to use this city's airport than that city's. However, after spending 8+ hours in cars driven by people rolling down windows and asking directions and watching my Google Map app save the day (again), I can definitely say it was an ineffective use of my time. This is a tale most business travelers know well.

But there is a bigger lesson for us HR Leaders than the Ghost Writer whining uselessly about travel budgets. How often do we construct jobs based on efficient use of money but leave or employees in ineffective positions as a result? How often do we let effective management get in the may of maximum efficiency for our employees? Or the biggest crime of all -- how often do we let our perceptions of company infrastructure and/or policy lead us to hamstring either our employees or our own efficiency and effectiveness altogether?

When making decisions about how something is going to get done, consider these questions. And best yet, consider these questions with a group of people, including employees.
1. What is the most efficient use of all resources involved?
2. What assumptions am I making in statement 1? Question these! Even if the answer seems obvious.
3. Questions 1 and 2 with effective instead of efficient.
4. Document and enact the best option.
5. Communicate! Use the answers to questions 1 and 2 to help people understand this was a thought-out decision, and while it makes some effectiveness versus efficiency trade-offs, it's the best currently available option.

Having a process for questioning effectiveness and efficiency certainly beats lying in bed blogging about it. My best to you in finding a more effective and efficient process -- and a good night's rest.

The Wizard

Remember the old grocery stores with the manager's office overlooking the sales floor? A grumpy guy in a white shirt and tie slide open a window, hollers a name, points and waves them up. The employees learn that voice from overhead pages supposedly intended to be communication and coaching. New hires get this guys name from the print out at the top of the receipts. The boss is the stuff of legend. Most of us have seen the classic movie, "The Wizard of Oz". Everyone but a small terrier is afraid of this guy. Why? He is the great unknown. A booming voice barking and belching smoke with the ability to judge and punish. He must be very special and dangerous, because no one was allowed to see him. Is that someone you want to work with? Is it someone you currently work with? Or, are you the wizard? Do you really want to be feared, when fear comes with hate and negative behavior? What results could you achieve if you pull back the curtain and connect with people? Are you ready to be bold enough to expose your wizard? He was actually a good guy once someone called him out and he let them behind the curtain. Management is a people proposition. If you hate people, quit torturing yourself and others and get out of management.
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Engagement

In the book, "One Foot Out The Door", by Judith Bardwick, we learn that employee satisfaction is not the responsibility of the employer. Companies cannot afford entitlement mentalities. What we need is people proud to work for us and who feel the work matters. The most interesting take away for me was the employees need to earn positive responses from the company. It was an 'aha' moment for me on several levels. Do we really think that we need to earn anything but a pay check from our company? Let's think about it. Sometimes we win when the guy at the top stops tall even if we had to kneel down to hold him up. How we see that guy (admiration or anonymity) determines if we will kneel. It even determines how long we will continue to hold on. How do the people below you in the pyramid feel about you? Will they hold on? Do you really think you can order them to do it? What really motivates the holders to do it? Of course, there are additional components regarding tools and teams, but this is already a lot to think about.
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Shut up and Drink the Kool-Aid

Ghost Writer has absolutely no endorsement from the makers of Kool-Aid for this blog post, and yes, the title is a reference to a sad cult mass death a number of years ago. 

    Culture.  Ahhhh... the modern HR Leader's and Manager's equivalent of the Holy Grail.  We seek to build culture.  We seek, at the pinnacle of that building, to have an engaged culture.  Which in turn creates these massively successful companies where we all dream of working happily along side of each other like so many Santa's elves or Snow White's dwarves.  "Whistle while you work, twee-eet, tweet, tweet..."  You get the picture. 
    So we survey our employees to make sure we have this amazing, engaged, results-generating culture, and have action planning meetings, or as I like to say, "Shut up and drink the Kool-Aid already."  My colleague said it even better recently, "I've long ago learned that the higher I rate my boss on the culture survey, the less work I have to do when the results come back." 
    This leads me to two hypotheses.  One, the survey loses its power to measure change and aid in developing real culture shifts when those taking the survey learn "the right answer".  Two, those employees who wait for the survey to whine about his/her manager aren't really worth worrying about anyway. 
    Psychologists have done a marvelous job of documenting the stimulus-response patterns in human and animal behavior.  I'm certainly no expert on this topic, but after a while of culture surveying, employees get the message.  However it may not be the one the company wishes it had sent.  The company wants the employee to hear, "We care about you.  Give us feedback by doing this anonymous survey and then participate in helping us make the place better."  The employee hears, after years of these surveys, "If I answer the questions right, you won't bug me, and I can go back to doing my work and that of the three people laid-off in the last downsizing."  Or in the case of my colleague, "If I answer these questions in a way that makes my boss look like a rock star, I don't have to help him change which means I have time to do my job which really does make him look like a rock star."
    Related to the second hypothesis, the employee who waits for the survey to bring attention what he/she is not getting from the boss doesn't understand a high-performance culture in the first place.  These are people either disengaged in proactive career management, i.e. actively engaging him or her self in the workplace, or just live life as a passive-aggressive.  Either way, why are we pandering to them through an expensive survey and then the action planning process to "improve" the results?  Does this come back to my blog on policies only applying to 3% of the workforce?  Are these surveys to get this 3% of passive-aggressive/non-self-managers to speak up about what they need at work?  I feel my desire to install shock collars coming on again.
    So as the company puts another round of the culture surveys through your world, just remember, as Marti has sagely pointed out, we're all sales people.  Sell the company message of caring, because most employers really do need the best from each person on the team, passive-aggressive or otherwise.  However, feel free to get a laugh when you do yours by thinking, "Shut up and drink the Kool-Aid" or some other pithy comment worthy of a laugh.

Momma's Always Right

Ghost Writer tips her hat to Momma while Marti checks out the billboards.

 

    Much like the author of "Everything I need to know I learned in Kindegarten", I am forever impressed with how many things my mother taught me that apply to the world of business and leading a good life. 

    On organization:  "Put it back where you got it, and you'd know where to find it."

    On time:  "Set your alarm.  Don't be late."

    On courtesy:  "Say please and thank you."

    On self-care:  "Get to bed on time.  You have an early day tomorrow."

    On attendance:  "If you're not throwing up or have a fever, get your butt to school."

    On work ethic:  "They're paying you.  Now get to work!"

    There are probably several more -- I'm forever quoting Momma at work.  Here's to my Momma and all the mothers that provide us sage HR Leader advice without knowing it.  Happy Mother's Day! 

Feed and Firearms

Welcome to the musings of a car bound road warrior. In my travels up Interstate 69 through a great mix of livestock and grain farms it was hard to believe I was only 60 miles from the north suburbs of a major metropolitan complex. In between cell phone calls about any number of crises, concerns and dilemmas, the time is passed reading billboards. One struck me as indicative of rural America, the way most of our country's real estate is used and most of her people live their lives. It was for a Feed store, but at first it seemed like a restaurant. Sort of like "Eat at Joes" for cattle. They had feed, pet supplies, sundries and, of course, firearms (with the assumption they have items to feed the firearms). If you are from a place where even some of the girls take off a week of school at the start of deer season, this is extremely logical. Let me walk the rest of you all through it real quick. The stores is generally 50 or miles from the farm, farm critters eat a lot more than your Rotweiler. When you have to get supplies, you want to be efficient. When you have 200 acres, you also need to help control the populations of certain wild life including some tasty, edible ones. There you go, feed and firearms. If you don't get this and don't like guns, good, stay in the city where the police carry them for you. However, keep your opinions out of our farms.

Selling

Remember the quote, "All the world's a stage and we are all merely players"? I think this is attributed to Shakespeare. Good actors sell their characters and bring the audience into their world. All of us sell in our work. We are looking for others to buy in, whether it is getting the boss to give us a good review to get more money or getting others to go along with our ideas. Human Resources involves many sales functions that are obvious, benefits enrollment, recruiting, on-boarding, and promoting. The less obvious ones are called Employee Relations and Change Management. Managing upset employees to get them to understand and move forward past the issue, can be problematic and requires many "sales calls" to resolve some concerns. Now we are the keepers of change management. Helping overworked managers and resistant employees to come along with the latest plan. The difference for us is that the outlying folks get dragged along for the ride providing a consistent dissenting voice to the effort. These daily interactions and processes hardly seem like selling. I have personally said that I would stink at sales, but I do it everyday without thinking about it. The worst part is that you must continue to sell to all levels of the business all of the time. There is not really a process where they want you to give honest feedback. Multiple recent attempts have only met with negative reactions and angering results. Sitting across from a coworker Friday I finally figured it out. My job is to make a pile of crap look like a pile of leaves so everyone wants to jump in. And I mean EVERYONE!

What Speaks to You?

I'm sitting in a hotel at 4:30am, my left knee hurts enough that I can't sleep. There is a Chris Rock movie on TV. As I knit a baby sweater for a co worker, I start wondering what I'm doing. Work is thankless because it is believed that the pay is the reward. The better the "reward" the more they want us to give up. The most driven of us are easily consumed, looking for more of a reward than money. It isn't really part of the package. The employee engagement survey isn't about how the employee feels for the sake of the employee; it is for the benefit of the business. Wow, early morning thinking can be a little dismal. This leads me to thinking about who I admire or quote the most. It turns out I'm inspired by humor. I quote Dennis Miller, Ron White, Bobby Collins, Gabriel Iglesias and the rest of those talented folks that make me laugh out loud. Now, how do I leverage this to do something rewarding? Have you sorted out what you really enjoy and admire and how are you using it?
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Namecalling

In spite of my habit of chatting about politics and other non-PC stuff, hence the name of the blog, this is about Assessing and Characterizing. As a HR Manager, we are expected to charaterize and assess employees. Their capabilities, their behaviors, their personalities, and any other characteristics important to the team and the business. We discuss stress tolerance and emotional intelligience like they are components of a large machine. In our usual circles, these conversations function like an engineering meeting, reviewing torque and specs to decide if the process is robust. However, in other parts of the business characterization takes on a whole new meaning. I remember sitting in an office with an African American Manager and a Middle Eastern Associate, the associate was being stalked by a customer that left poorly written notes. I asked if the customer used English as a second language. The associate was tremendously offended and became very defensive. The manager understood the question and tried to explain to the associate that I was trying to figure out how the person perceived their behavior. To me it was clinical, to the associate it was personal. The conversation went from assessing and characterizing to name calling based on perspective. It turns out that the customer was a native English speaker with limited grammar skills. Instructions were provided to the associate and managers on what to do, if and when that customer came back to visit, based on this characterization. The intervention was successful, but the associate held it against me for a long time. The leap from assessing and characterizing to namecalling comes from individual insecurities. If my language skills are poor and I'm sensitive about it, a simple assessment is more like a playground taunt. When do we teach others to separate assessment from ego? How capable of emotional intelligience are we, really? Humans are incapable of refraining from compartmentalizing (characterizing) to process information. Anamalia, chordata, mammalia, primata, homindae, homo sapiens, just like Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus and Species - we need these boxes as much as we hate them. I am a brown haired, blue eyed, caucasian, female, human resources manager, wife, daughter, pet owner, petulant child and blogger. In the right context, any one of these is a compliment or a condemnation. Maybe this blog should be titled understanding, to truly connect we must seek to understand. What we infer, is not necessarily what is meant, so just ask!